The Band
This is probably our fault
Nobody knows where they came from, but The Trainwreck was found wandering all together down Highway 75, trying to sell a goat named Emelio for a bag of magic beans. No one had the heart to tell them that magic beans don't exist. Some poor sucker offered them a gig instead.
If anyone has seen Emelio, please call the local Animal Control Department. He is considered armed and dangerous.
Kirt Connor
Guitar and Vocals
Kirt is actually three racoons in a trenchcoat that taught themselves to play guitar. We're pretty sure he escaped from a mental health facility. He was once retweeted by Weird Al Yankovic and he tells everyone far too often.
Kirt is an award winning guitarist, vocalist, and composer who has been featured on The Kelly Clarkson Show, Last Podcast on the Left, and can often be seen at your mom's house.
Joshua Hansard
Drums and Shenannigans
Josh started playing drums in 1991. He still hasn't figured it out. He was kicked out of marching band, and his college band director once threatened to take his kick drum away. He's a huge Ren Faire nerd, a sailor, and generally has a loose grip on sanity.
He is a Session Recording Artist, has over 1000 live shows under his belt, and is a music festival promoter and organizer. His musical influences include Yes, Tool, and Texas Cheesesteak Burritos from Bucee's.
Alec Cripps
Bass, Abs, and Glorious Hair
Alec has played bass and hearts on for 10 years. His styles include Rock and R&B. Early in 2024, he got sloshed and overslept at a fraternity party. He was summarily removed from his low end duties after that. After getting a taste of playing in bigger opening acts and consuming many left handed cigarettes, he's back in the North Texas area; still on them left handers.
Alec is a session bass player that initally rose in popularity as the bassist of OKC-based OakTown, and has opened for several mainstream acts including Everclear. He said it was "kind of cool".
Emelio
BOLO
- Last Seen on Highway 75
- 3 ft 2 in, approx 75 lbs
- White fur, horns, speaks esperanto
- Will try to convince you that magic beans are real